Very mindful, Very demure
Overall, growing up with two older brothers made me less of the ‘stereotypical’ woman: emotional, soft and passive. I would say I inherited more of my siblings traits - their assertiveness, vocality, and borderline unfiltered thoughts; all of which are discouraged for women. Because of my family dynamic, my views of gender inequality were seemingly diluted – it wasn’t until high school that I began to notice how my identity as a woman was a determinant factor of success and respect. But since attending college, the way I see what it means to be a woman has changed from a rigid label to a conscious, fluid choice. Although I consciously reject patriarchy, I inevitably find myself controlled by it. The intersectionalities of patriarchy, family dynamics, and experience have led me to form my own opinions about what kind of woman I want to be. This inspired me to ask other women in college about their relationships to men, identity, and what it means to be a woman.
The following questions were given in a survey. All responses are anonymous to ensure privacy.
Does gender play an important role in your identity?
“No. Gender does not play an important role in my identity because my identity and personality are not defined by my gender. However, the experience of my identity in social settings changes this experience. In the context of myself and my expression, I do not rely on my gender and instead am only faced with the idea of gender when a man makes assumptions about me because of my identity.”
“As a woman, societal factors and the history of these factors directly impact my identity and restrict aspects of my identity. [But] in some ways no, because gender is a societal construct and is not truly a measurable thing.”
“I feel like since we are at the age of trying to “find ourselves,” gender doesn’t play that big of a role. But personally, I feel like being a woman is what keeps me sane. I feel secure knowing who I am, which I think helps in defining my identity.”
How has your definition of what it means to be a woman changed since coming to college?
“I think my view has changed in that I am more aware of the many struggles that come with being a woman… I also believe culture plays another role for many women in college and the way they are able to navigate these struggles.”
“Since coming to college, my definition of what it means to be a woman has changed to having to fight for authority, respect, and to be heard. Having to set clear boundaries to avoid misunderstanding. having to over apologize, having to ‘smile’.”
“Walking around alone at night has been a huge definition of what it means to be a woman since I came to college… I don’t have the same luxury as men to be protected when walking home at night, which is scary, and it puts men at an unequal advantage.”
Based on your experience, what does it mean to be a woman in relation to men?
“I think our world gives us the impression that women will always be less than men, and unfortunately, that’s commonly seen as I go through my daily life.”
“They have undying pride and ego. I think we should be humbling men more often.”
“There is a pressure to conform to traditional roles … Sometimes it is as if you are valued more or are viewed as of higher value if you are with a man.”
“I feel women are treated as if they are at a disadvantage because to be truthful they slightly are. For a woman to be as strong as a weak man, she must workout. If a woman and a man worked out the same amount, the man would be stronger … emotionally women are at an advantage in society, but that is not the comparison people make. People compare what they can see.”
As women who are at the age of becoming, we are frequently faced and reminded of the patriarchal blockages; the fear of walking home at night, stereotypes put upon us before we really have a chance to voice ourselves or male validation. But as we continue to grow into ourselves we recognize that we can have a choice in how we maneuver the rigidity of our social system. Especially as the political divide of our country widens, we are gaining more and more awareness of how societal structures and history continue to impact our self-esteem and identity. But I believe the difference now versus previous decades is that we have more of a say in whether or not we choose to accept what we seemingly cannot control.