L’Appel du Vide

TW: Discusses heavy topics including destructive thoughts and actions.

For a long time, I thought I was crazy. Like having the urge to swerve my car off a bridge crazy. Or having the itch to jump when I’m standing at the edge of a tall building crazy. But, alas, the French have a word for my self-destructive split-second urges– l’appel du vide. Or, in English, “The Call of the Void.”

It’s quite comforting to know that nearly half the population experiences the same intrusive thoughts that I do. But, not everyone will readily admit to having the inexplicable compulsion to jump in front of an incoming subway when they’re visiting New York for the first time. So, I guess this is an introduction to my veracity.

The Call of the Void is a psychological phenomenon in your brain’s way of reaffirming your will to live, contrary to what most people think is a fleeting rendition of suicidal thought. Scientists put it like this: when you are in a situation where the potential of a dangerous outcome is high and plausible, your brain will test you to choose, well, death. When you make the split-second decision not to give in to this urge, you are subconsciously choosing life.