Stop with the SORRYs

When I was in elementary school, I noticed that my best friend apologized for nearly everything she did, as if her presence alone demanded a “sorry” to spill from her lips the moment she entered a room. It always confused me because, as a kid myself, I wouldn’t have apologized for anything – even if it was completely necessary. (Don’t worry. I’m nicer now.) But that juvenile confidence wouldn’t last forever.

Now, at 19, I hear myself speak in classrooms, group projects, and even large family gatherings holding my tongue or beginning nearly every sentence I say with “I don’t know, but…” when in all truthfulness I know exactly what I’m saying and why I’m saying it. Yet I find myself in the self-degrading cycle of preceding my intellectual thoughts with a sorry followed by even more "sorry"s or indirect phrases to not seem too sharp-tongued.

I have now become hyper-conscious of the manner in which I and my female counterparts speak in academic and professional settings. So many of our intelligent and original thoughts are begun with apologetic language that diminishes our stances before our point has even left our mouths. Girls are indirectly taught from a young age to soften the delivery of our messages so we do not come across as bossy, indigestible know-it-alls.

Personally, I’ve had enough of my subconscious expressing regret for simply existing. My opinions and statements do not need these apologetic phrases to soften the blow. Only my misbehavior and less-than-benevolent acts should feel my atonement.

So, I’ve challenged myself. I have begun to replace my unwarranted apologies with thank you and other positive reinforcements. In the short while that I have done this, I have felt less guilty for little things and have been more intentional in the way I communicate with the people around me. Here are a few examples of ways to swap your language to minimize the internal desire to seek the approval of your peers. This little shift in the way you express yourself can make all the difference. You may find yourself gradually feeling empowered rather than self-effacing.

“I’m sorry I was late today” could be phrased as, “Thank you for your patience today.”

“If that makes any sense” becomes, “Let me know if you have any questions.”

“I’m sorry I can’t go today” can be, “Thank you for inviting me.”