Lessons in Self-Love From an Awkward Girl
The phrase “Dance like nobody is watching” never made sense to me. Every time I try to take on this mindset in social settings I just get a feeling that says everyone is watching. It’s hard to dance like nobody is watching when it feels a little silly. With a little bit of patience, my journey of improving confidence has started with telling that little voice to shut the fuck up. And so should yours.
Growing up, my mom always told me not to worry about what people think as I got ready in the morning. “Everyone is just thinking about themselves anyways.” she’d say. I realize now that she was right. I’ll never forget the pink Post-it notes of affirmations covering her bathroom mirror, telling her to believe in herself or that she is a strong, confident woman with undeniable beauty. All those little messages gave her the power and strength to take on the day with confidence and reassurance. As a newly single mother, she had a lot of issues with self-confidence and remembering her worth after a complicated divorce. My mom went through a long journey of growth lessons that I never noticed until more recently in life. I now know that she took a long road to be the real queen that I see now. So, how can we all learn something from her journey? How can we start dancing like nobody's watching? Similar toe my mom’s post-it notes on the mirror, self-affirmation is a great place to start.
Obviously, a handful of self-compliments won’t put you at the end of the yellow brick road to confidence, but it’s important to take deep breaths and remember that you’re not as awkward as you may feel. Try a little bit of mindfulness and take it one step at a time. Remind yourself of every little feature you like about yourself and ingrain into your brain over time. I can never fully have fun if I spend the whole time in my head, which happens more often than I’d like to admit. It’s like instead of focusing on the company around me, I am stuck thinking about my hair and if all the baby hairs are tucked away, or if my makeup looks cakey, or even if my acne is acting up. All of this seems so silly and superficial, but I can’t help it. I’ve started to take deep breaths and pull myself back to reality when that happens. If I start to spiral into a self-conscious fit, I remember my mom’s voice telling me that I am strong and kind, and good people will appreciate me no matter how I look. If there is a real fear of being judged or looked down upon. I find comfort in the fact that the right type of friends won’t be the ones giving the side eye.
Most often, it’s easier said than done to say “Just be yourself” and “dance like nobody’s watching.” It takes time and practice to learn how to truly change the internal monologue. I tell myself that anyone who is judging me is not worth my time anyway so there’s no point in working to please them. It makes no sense to work for the approval of those who aren’t rooting for your success in the first place. So I say we should all just develop the skill of giving ourselves some grace. As a bonus to lift others up, I try to give as many compliments as I can throughout the day. Seeing the smile it gives people creates a kind of positivity that makes you want to multiply it. It’s in the little things that we can do to lift ourselves and others up. Nobody deserves to feel bad in their own skin. As my mom would say, remember that being confident in yourself is what’s truly beautiful, and realizing your worth will take a huge weight off your shoulders, just have patience. Growth takes time and care.