Finding Comfort With Uncomfortable Silence
The conversation has come to a lull, it's been a long day, or you're simply not in the mood to chat, but why can these feelings lead us to a room of more painful silence with some relationships in our lives rather than others? Have you ever been sitting in the car with someone, and you can't really figure out why but it just feels so awkward? The barrier of silence creeps up on you, and for me, brings so much pressure to fill it in with meaningless conversation. But other times, sitting there in this silence can be so comforting and relaxing. It’s so hard for me to depict the difference between these feelings of weird silence and why sometimes it's normal. What causes this discomfort?
I tend to be more kept to myself. Being on the quieter side, people can take this as me being uninterested and misinterpret the silence; they interpret it as, "Why don't you open up more" when I can only think, "Why do you never stop talking." The conversation flows both ways. Loud people question silence, and silent people question loudness. But I never necessarily think of this as being negative. Loudness is not a bad thing, whereas silence is not a bad thing. They're just different. Honestly, most of the time, I'm thinking about a million different things during this silence. That movie I watched last night, songs I like to listen to, even what I want to wear the next day. But with that being said, I still do love to talk, it can even take a lot for me just to shut up. But in these interludes of silence, why do I sometimes feel awkward and unable to appreciate it?
Being young and in college, I feel like there is so much pressure on the desire to be friends with everyone in your path. We are expected to welcome all these new relationships into our lives so suddenly, which don’t get me wrong, can be great. Putting yourself out there in a pool of new faces is definitely a learning experience in remembering that it is normal not to allow everyone into your mind all at once. Unless that is what you think you can handle. But for me, I can’t. This awkward silence arises in these relationships that I don’t fully trust yet. It creates this overwhelming anxiety about what lies beneath a conversation, and what gets kept secret by the silence. I constantly wonder what they will say next, what they mean by that, or misunderstand what they said because I am way too in my head.
These anxious thoughts allow me to understand that I'm not as comfortable in a relationship if my mind convinces me of ideas that are probably not true, and to find comfort in that feeling itself. We are not made to connect with everybody, and that’s not selfish. Even if they have good intentions, this lack of effort from one end or another can still be so frustrating. But, as easy as it is to fear, silence greatly benefits our relationships. It gives time to reflect and interpret things people are saying. It provides the opportunity not to ignore your brain. It allows for growth in relationships and friendships, the realization of not feeling 100% comfortable with someone, and knowing that it’s normal. Relationships that are meant to stay will grow on their own without having to force a conversation. It is easy to dwell on past interactions and what you should or should not have said. But in reality, we are all just constantly thinking about ourselves and knowing this is one small moment you have with one person in your life. I find comfort in these lulls of silence by simply just letting them go, enjoying the silence, and appreciating the people in my life I can share silence with.
@bellamcnulty
Cover image courtesy of YOU DID IT.