A Love Letter to Twinhood
“Who’s older?” is always the first question I hear when people find out that I have a twin brother. I forget, sometimes, that my twinhood is not intrinsically tied to my name. Growing up, it was always understood that my brother and I were twins. Moving away from home for college, and being reminded I am my own person, no longer an extension of my siblings, was a shocking experience.
With this newfound independence, I found myself yearning to spend more time with my siblings. The time I spend with my family now is much more intentional and purposeful. Our distance has forced me to value our time together more than I had when we were under the same roof. I see my relationship with my twin brother in a new light. I find it meaningful to compare notes on what life is like now that we don’t sleep a door away from each other, sharing a wall. Living through such monumental milestones simultaneously has been a compelling evolution as we undergo the same experiences in such unique ways.
But what does it mean to be a twin?
In an anonymous survey shared with my peers, students opened up about the joy and concurrent hardships that accompany twinhood.
The overall consensus was that growing up as a twin was more taxing than others might assume. It’s not all matching outfits and built-in playmates. Growing up a twin is met with constant comparison and competition. Whether it is voiced by parents or applied internally, it is a common expectation that if your twin excels in a certain area, you are to match them - or better yet, outperform them. Many respondents reflected on the difficulties of being constantly compared with their sibling, explaining how this would sometimes end up driving them apart from one another.
These comparisons are exaggerated within identical twin relationships specifically, as it is common for identical twin siblings to grow up participating in the same extracurriculars, cultivating the ideal circumstances for competition. Fraternal twins, particularly those of different genders like myself, experience these pressures differently. While comparison still exists, differing gender expectations shape fraternal experiences in unique ways.
Students also voiced the complex and nuanced feelings that arose when moving apart from their twin for college and touched on the deep, unexplainable connection twins share. On one hand, you're stepping away from the person who has been your other half since birth. On the other, you’re experiencing a newfound sense of individualism that feels unprecedented. The responsibility to uphold that intimately constructed relationship, without the familiar proximity, is a challenge but also a testament to the deep bond twins share. It’s in this separation that this unique bond shines strongest, proving that it is not the physical vicinity that makes twins so special, but rather a deep connection that transcends distance.
So, what does it really mean to be a twin?
To be a twin is to share milestones. To compare milestones. To be football rivals. To lend advice, clothes, and friends. To share birthdays. To split meals. To steal fries. To pull hair. To ration eight-hour drives. To be a twin is to always have a couch to crash on. A shoulder to lean on. A friend to rely on.
I wonder if others envy this bond, as I couldn’t imagine life without mine.
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Cover Image: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/12947917674626501/