Red Flags VS Green Flags
Wearing a flannel to the bar, sitting criss-cross applesauce, crying in public… these are just some of the many examples of red flags I read on a list recently that held men to an abnormally large standard. I thought to myself that these are some pretty niche red flags. Men have a historically bad track record, which may lead to women putting up defenses in the form of “red flag lists,” but that does not mean men don’t make their own or that this trend only appeals to straight people. The red flag vs. green flag trend plagues everyone’s social media, putting ridiculously high expectations on people. When looking at the aforementioned list, I also noticed there wasn’t a list of green flags to counteract the red flags. Were these people only focusing on the bad and the negatives? Were they being too picky? It also made me ask myself: is it even humanly possible to not possess the “red flags” and reach the high standards that everyone has in this generation?
I am here to tell you: it’s not. No one is perfect. Everyone possesses green and red flags. TikTok and other social media platforms have turned this concept into a trend. On TikTok, you can use a “red flags filter” and allow the filter to show you what your red flags are. There are endless videos, lists, posts, etcetera on social media of what people’s judgements of others are. I went to social media and asked some of my friends to find some examples of both of these extremes.
You can’t even have a name that starts with certain letters if you want certain people to like you. Some of the examples I saw are so niche that they seem impossible to achieve or not achieve. The majority of examples I see are also absurd. I even saw one that stated farting a lot is a red flag! If I compiled a list of all of the absurd ones that I have seen, not only the red flags but also the green flags, it would turn into a humorous take on the idea of chasing the impossible when looking for a potential partner.
These flags create unrealistic expectations for people when looking for love or friendships. The aspect of social media puts this pressure on us to maintain a flawless, picture-perfect version of ourselves to find relationships. This causes people to not act like themselves — which can ultimately lead to bonding and befriending people who are, not for you, but for the picture-perfect person you’re trying to be. It is also interesting to think that some people’s red flags are another person’s green flags, and vice versa. Everyone’s opinions and perspectives are different; everyone’s desires and wants are different. Social media takes this idea and thrives on the negatives.
There is one “flag” we have not talked about yet: the beige flag. If we are going to normalize anything, let us normalize looking for beige flags in people. Finding the beauty in the beige means looking for unique niche idiosyncrasies that are neither good nor bad. They don’t glamorize negativity but instead hone in on people’s quirks. The uniqueness in humans. Beige flags create a positive side to the “flags” trend on social media.
Normalize people not being perfect and view it as a positive thing, not a negative thing. The next time you are looking for a friendship or a relationship, do me a favor and delete your lists of red and green flags; go into it with an open mind and an eye for beige. Look for the quirks, not for the worst.